For you

It’s been a long time since I’ve felt like this.
Like someone had swept me off my feet and refused to let me go.

You’re someone special you know that?
I’ve never felt… genuinely happy in a long time.
I felt love. I felt lust. I felt pain. I felt guilt. I felt abandonment. I felt grief. I felt like my soul’s been ripped apart. 

You. You make everything better.
Thinking about you makes the skies bluer, grasses greener and stars shine brighter. You just make my world seem more vibrant and alive. You make me want to live. You make me want to be a better person for myself & for you. 

I have made.. Many mistakes in my life. Too many to count, too embarrassed to talk about them. 

But you. I don’t know how.. and I don’t know why.. but you came along in my life. You.. appreciate me like no one ever did. I can’t even begin to put into words how insanely amazing you are. I’m so proud and honoured.. To call you mine; and you to call me yours. 

I love you.
& I appreciate you. All parts of you. Irritating accents and all. Haha. 

xoxo.
I cannot express how thankful I am. For you.

D.L.

I don’t know where or how to start to describe how wonderful you are. 

But knowing you, has made me a very happy girl.
Happier than I’ve ever been ages.

I will hold on to you D.
Tighter than anyone I’ve ever had.

xoxo.

She knew from the start that nothing good could ever come of this. She knew, loving him would be the biggest mistake of her life, and she still did it. She never meant to fall for him, she never knew she would. Her eyes sparkled when he talked to her. She lived her days a little happier, knowing that she would have his company; knowing that she will get to hear his voice at the end of the day - and because of that, nothing else mattered, nothing could get her day down because she had his company. She hadn’t felt like this in the longest time; after days and months of feeling empty, she finally felt the hole in her being filled. She felt butterflies return to her stomach after years of feeling nothing. He reignited life in her and she was so grateful for that.

Days became weeks, weeks became months and she could never feel more ecstatic with him. However, there was this voice in the back of her mind that always reminded her that he was never meant for her, that he belonged to another, that their time spent together would mean nothing to him. And as much as she tried to keep those thoughts at the back of her mind, she knew she wouldn’t be able to run away from them much longer.

Spilled Thoughts

I don’t know if it’s just me, or am I really this much of an emotional wreck?
I’m not the kind of girl who keeps everything to herself but these few days, I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I keep worrying about the future, in terms of what I should study, if taking a break is a good thing, what should I work as, how am I going to pay my parents back for all they have done for me during my final year project… My mind is just so exhausted from all these worries in my mind. Even though my parents don’t push me… I think it’s kinda embedded in my brain that it’s my responsibility to do well. Don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing.

And I really need to write and read more again. The standard of my English is so horrendously atrocious I feel like stabbing my brain.

& on a random note, I’m in Bangkok.
Need to go shopping.
Retail therapy.
Yeaaaap.

Presentation

So… presentation’s tomorrow. Wondering if I’ll be able to do well. Many have told me it’s a rather chill type of thing. Knowing myself though… I hope I won’t be hyperventilating… like always. zzz.

The End or the beginning?

So, the day that I have waited for so long has finally come and go. 24th Feb… Submission day. It seems so surreal that we have finally completed our final year project and frankly I could not be more relieved. I’m honestly rather pleased with my photos but I think I could have done better in the sense of display panels wise. Wish I could have done better in that area. Would be uploading some of my photos that I’ve submitted.. As a sort of a sneak peak before Dip show at Vivo city. :)

Long after.

Haven’t updated in the longest time due to internship and fyp. Yet, I still feel the need to do this because I am incapable of holding in this much emotions alone anymore.

Don’t you feel like sometimes you keep repeating the same mistake over and over again? And not only do you know that there’s only one way to stop it and it’s the right thing to do… But you just can’t bring yourself be firm on that decision?
It’s like I want to be hurt, it’s as if I want the weight of the world to be on my shoulders, it’s as if I don’t even care about the consequences of my actions - knowing that I’ll hurt myself in the long run, knowing that, for a fact, I’ll be heartbroken once again. It’s really as if I did something really wrong to men in my past life, that I can’t seem to get hold one good guy in this life. I know that I’m young and this and that, but after going through so many heartaches, I really think I’ve screwed myself up for the guy that I (may or may not) be with. You know things are really, honestly, horrible when you can just sit down, think about issues and just start crying.

I don’t know what I’m doing. And with the stress of doing well for Fyp on my shoulders, I just really cannot breathe at all. It’s ridiculous, how much weight I feel like I’m carrying.

Argh.
Someone got me hooked on runaway by Kanye West, and there’s the lyrics that I feel describes exactly how I feel right now.

Let’s have a toast for the douchebags
Let’s have a toast for the assholes
Let’s have a toast for the scumbags
Everyone of them that I know
Let’s have a toast for the jerk-offs
that’ll never take work off
Baby I’ve got a plan
Runaway as fast as you can

19 Oct 2011

This has probably been the most emotional night I’ve ever had during internship.
A dinner was held for Iggi (pre-birthday celebration) and me (going back to school) tonight. I had a really good time and it was technically the last time I’ll see Lao Ban before I go back to school, since he is leaving for China tomorrow morning. I am so blessed to have been a part of Nemesis Pictures. I don’t think I’ll ever forget these 3 months I had with them because it has taught me so much and I’ve gained new friends in the process as well. I love every single one of my colleagues; Lao Ban, how fun and patient he is and how big of a heart he has, Jasmine, the big sister of them, always looking out for each of us, Liana, the sweetie pie of the company, always so kind and adorable to be around, Harpi, annoying on the surface but really does care for everyone at work deep down and Iggi’s like a big brother to me in the company, bullying me but always manages to lend me a helping hand even when he doesn’t need to. Although I didn’t get to know Ee Ling well, but she is a real funny girl and I thank her for what she has taught me as well.

I really wish I could stay with them forever because they are such endearing colleagues and it’s a really good environment to work at. I know I grow attached to people easily and I guess I’ve grown too attached to my internship company. The people working there are extraordinary and I cannot express how eternally grateful I am to them for letting me join their little tight-knitted family for these 3 wonderful months. I hope I hadn’t been too much of a burden to them and that they enjoyed having me there as well.

I’m feeling really emotional right now mainly because I think the time of the month is really close… To the extent that I actually weep like a baby in the cab back because I cannot believe it has finally come to an end.

Thank you Lao Ban. Thank you Jasmine. Thank you Liana. Thank you Harpi. Thank you Iggi. Thank you Ee Ling.
Thank you for making my internship the best that any intern could ever wish for.

Didn’t I give it all?

Didn’t I give it up
Tried my best
Gave you everything I had
Everything and no less

Didn’t I do it right?
To let you down
Maybe you got too used to
For having me around
Still how can you walk away
From my tears
It’s going to be an empty road
Without me right here

[chorus]
But go on and take it
Take it all with you
Don’t look back
At this crumbling fool
Just take it all with my love
Take it all

Maybe I should leave
To help you see
Nothing is better then this
And this everything we need
So is it over
Is it really

You’re giving up so easily,
I thought you loved me more than this,

[chorus]
But go on and take it
Take it all with you
Don’t look back
At this crumbling fool
Just take it all with my love
Take it all

I will change if I must,
Slow it down and bring it home,
I will adjust,
If only you knew,
Everything I do,
Is for you

[chorus]
But go on and take it
Take it all with you
Don’t look back
At this crumbling fool
Just take it all with my love
Take it all

Adele - Take it all

Currently the best song that represents how I feel about you. Funny how I always knowingly give my heart to you when I know that you will never treat it right. Yet, I know that till the day you meet someone new, I’ll always be by your side. Always. I would never leave you. And I guess, that’s my loss. Because I know I’ll never have the heart to leave you first.