Long after.

Haven’t updated in the longest time due to internship and fyp. Yet, I still feel the need to do this because I am incapable of holding in this much emotions alone anymore.

Don’t you feel like sometimes you keep repeating the same mistake over and over again? And not only do you know that there’s only one way to stop it and it’s the right thing to do… But you just can’t bring yourself be firm on that decision?
It’s like I want to be hurt, it’s as if I want the weight of the world to be on my shoulders, it’s as if I don’t even care about the consequences of my actions - knowing that I’ll hurt myself in the long run, knowing that, for a fact, I’ll be heartbroken once again. It’s really as if I did something really wrong to men in my past life, that I can’t seem to get hold one good guy in this life. I know that I’m young and this and that, but after going through so many heartaches, I really think I’ve screwed myself up for the guy that I (may or may not) be with. You know things are really, honestly, horrible when you can just sit down, think about issues and just start crying.

I don’t know what I’m doing. And with the stress of doing well for Fyp on my shoulders, I just really cannot breathe at all. It’s ridiculous, how much weight I feel like I’m carrying.

Argh.
Someone got me hooked on runaway by Kanye West, and there’s the lyrics that I feel describes exactly how I feel right now.

Let’s have a toast for the douchebags
Let’s have a toast for the assholes
Let’s have a toast for the scumbags
Everyone of them that I know
Let’s have a toast for the jerk-offs
that’ll never take work off
Baby I’ve got a plan
Runaway as fast as you can